Securing Home

I think, I hope, that we’re far enough along in the process to say that Sam and I are buying a house. It’s an exciting experience for us, but also, as one can imagine (or remember, if you’ve been a first-time homebuyer before), it’s an incredibly stressful one. Ever since I’ve opted to leave law, my anxiety has largely subsided, but this has been a nice kick to remind me that it’s always waiting for the right moment to resurface!

As such, the past few weeks have been defined for me by difficulty focusing. I’ve been reading less, not for lack of time but for lack of engagement. I’ve been hopping between books, and I’ve been turning to Star Wars more than I should, not spacing it out as I typically try to do. I’ve watched fewer interesting movies and spent more time disengaging with nostalgic favorites and reality TV (we are not planning any immediate home renovation projects, and yet Property Brothers is streaming all too constantly). And despite the truly horrid national news, I’ll admit that I’ve sort of stuck my head in the sand this past month. With concentration camps, planned ICE raids, the threat of impulsive and unnecessary further war, and even more reports of the president’s personal sins in the news, I know that it’s a time for citizen engagement and activism. But I’m where I’m at.

It leaves me feeling a bit guilty and more than a bit vapid, but it’s keeping me calm, keeping my anxiety mostly under control, allowing me the mental space and energy to deal with the responsibilities of work and home life all while going through this drawn-out buying process.

(I should take a moment to say that I’m quite happy with the experience overall, I feel I’ve had good service experiences, I haven’t had to do all that much, and other than one delay everything is moving smoothly. None of that can stop catastrophic thinking.)

I imagine that with better coping strategies, I wouldn’t need to detach myself somewhat from the world to get through a stressful period, especially one seen as such a routine milestone in adult life. But Sam and I are getting through this all together, my work performance isn’t suffering, and I’m not putting on more weight, so I’d say it’s going well enough.

I thought I might talk about the Dick Cheney biopic Vice tonight (great performances and interesting surreal storytelling that offer a tale that is often both wickedly funny and gut-twistingly dark), but my heart’s not in it (if you’ve seen the film, I hope you’ll see the humor in that turn of phrase). I thought I might talk about any of the books I’m currently reading, but I’ll save that for reviews down the line. I find that I don’t have much I want to say this week. So I’ll leave it at that.

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